One of the newest items introduced to society (given the expanse of human history) is video games. From a time when playing games all day meant visiting an arcade, hanging out with friends, and spending an enormous amount of coins, video games have become fully integrated into our lives. Most of us carry a dozen games on our phones, and when we're waiting in line, we might pull them out to play. To the point that many gamers end up staying up all night playing video games.
Games are fun, exciting, and can easily consume a considerable amount of time. They help us feel strong, escape the world around us, help us feel accomplished and give us a sense of control. With time and practice, the feeling of accomplishment in games boosts our confidence. All these wonderful things are great additions to our everyday lives, and have been since the first video game.
In chemistry, I was taught a concept a long time ago. Everything can kill you; it’s just a matter of quantity. The same principles apply to various aspects of our lives, including sleep (excessive sleep can lead to increased tiredness upon waking), salt (hypernatremia), and exercise (overtraining and body fatigue), among others. In this case, we are talking about video game use.
Here are a few tips for parents to help prevent overuse of video games, ultimately enabling you to make the best possible decisions about video games.
- 2 hours maximum of video game time is a good starting point; any more should only be allowed after a break from video games. A good rule of thumb is an equal amount of time doing something not on a screen/active, as the time spent on a screen.
- Consider your child's ability to function (social, academics, food, exercise, sleep). Some children can be okay with spending more time on video games than others.
- Entertainment Software Review Board (ESRB – Click here for link to website, you can look up the rating of video games on the website if you can’t find it elsewhere). This rating system, found on every video game, helps you decide if a game is appropriate for your child(ren).
- Using Video Game time as a positive reinforcement for positive behaviour works well. Do ensure there is a minimum amount of time they can play video games, not dependent on behaviour, to prevent power struggles or problematic responses. It’s beneficial to plan for reinforcement through additional video game time, rather than reducing it (positive reinforcement).
- Communicate with your child(ren) about their video game play, what they are playing, what's going on, and if they are playing online.
- For online playing, it’s okay to limit who they can play with online and establish boundaries with those they play with online. It’s essential to have plenty of discussion and thoughtful decisions about online game play. Please encourage them to think critically about what they share and do while gaming online. Nothing written or said online is ever truly gone.
- Encourage them to talk to you or another trusted adult if they are worried about or upset about anything related to gaming. Try to avoid punishments or banning games when they share what is happening, as this may discourage them from sharing in the future.
- Ensure you are discussing internet safety and in-app purchases. Set limits that everyone involved understands and agrees with.
- Considering requiring that your child(ren) refrain from gaming for a full day, either weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly.
- Do not dismiss your child’s interest in a career in gaming. Many viable careers in gaming may be feasible for them.
- Play video games with them. Children listen differently when you are sitting side by side
- Most importantly, your role is to be their parent, not their friend. You sometimes have to make the hard choices that make them hate.
- All video games should be stopped approximately an hour before bed, and no electronic device should be within reach while lying in bed or in their room if it can be helped. This can prevent late-night gaming without you even realizing it.
It is essential to keep in mind that changing how you parent your child’s video game (or screen use) should include the person in question. A discussion about the use, what you want to see differently, and introductions of new rules around that use are easier to implement and enforce if they feel they have a say in what is going on. Especially as this should be an ongoing discussion with your child. Finally, consider monkey see, monkey do. When looking at your child’s video game usage (screen use), think about your own, and whether you could use some rules of your own to avoid excessive usage. It has been found that if the entire family goes screen-free or video game-free once a week/month, it can help strengthen family bonds and allow your child(ren) to take a break from video games (screens).
By Andre Stam, RP, CCC, OCT, is a psychotherapist who specializes in sleep, teacher support, burnout, anxiety, and depression. He has training in CBT. CBT-I, DBT, SE, and Narrative therapy.
